But, the longer I'm here, I realize that nobody is put their concern on me. I feel all alone. I feel tired being alone. So I tried to force myself to be friend with someone. Yes we get along, we're having fun together, but it is only happen when I'm shamelessly attach to them. Nobody care about me when I'm not with them. Nobody will be asking about me when I'm gone.
I always wondered myself;
“Am I really has any friends?”
I asked this question almost every day to no one but myself. I have a doubt that people who called themselves my friend are really a friend. I can’t be friend with them if they don’t treat me like a friend, right?
I was telling someone while we’re on a middle of conversation, “Look at me, I don’t have any close friend, so I don’t care if anyone leave me.”
Then she asked me, “Are you really have any friend?” She asked that fucking headshot question with a laugh at the end of the question.
Damn. Her question really stabs me right inside my inner ego. ‘I do have friend, right?’ I keep repeating the same question. “Maybe I do not have any close friend, but at least I do have friend. Am I right?” I know I sound so damn stupid asking myself the question I can’t even answer.
Who’s my friend? Who is willing to be my friend? Am I really alone all this time with no friend? Is it true that I don’t have anyone who can be called as friend?